I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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