Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
At least life still wants to fuck me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
