Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
please come you make the beer taste better
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
