i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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