oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
