Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
