i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
