I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
