I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
