he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize