Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
