Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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