I feel great
I just peed on a car
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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