If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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