you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize