I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
