i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
