I heard we made out
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
