i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
