Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
