Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
