Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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