It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
