we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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