Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My vagina is officially offended.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
