i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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