I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i believe in u and ur pee
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