she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
