Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Bring me that man meat
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
