we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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