my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
