Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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