I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
