Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
