I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Randomize
