Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
