Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
