True but thats because hes a fetus.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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