He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
