i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
