All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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