No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize