If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
