Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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