GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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