I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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