Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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