Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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