I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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