Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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