i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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