Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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