So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
