plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
