drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
