A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
