but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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