I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
