Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
40s are totally the cure
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
