I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
