How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
