Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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