I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
