First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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