I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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