I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
