that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
