Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
