Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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