I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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