I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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