I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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