umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I stole a fireplace last night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize