so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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