i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
