If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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