My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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